Universal words trap our minds into a vernacular programming. By saying something out loud, we are literally writing or programming our thinking. This is one of those things that may not be apparent until you have changed the way you speak. You will start noticing others using vernacular programming. Hopefully, you will share your new experience with them. This is also a great relationship hack.
Always & Never
“You are always mean and you never help me!” By definition, this is the incorrect usage of the word always because there is nothing you can always do. I suppose it is possible never to do something for someone, but a better way to phrase would be saying something like, “You have been mean and you have not helped me yet!” Not only is this more accurate in stating what happened in the past it opens up the option and free choice for the other person. By telling someone that they never help also creates another set of programming from others. This can be critical with kids and telling them that they always do something. This creates false belief systems that may cause struggle later in life.
You are always mean and you never help me!
Everyone & Nobody
“Everyone is always mean to me!” I think it would be hard to find a person who has had everyone be mean to them, but suppose it is possible. It is unlikely that this is the case, however. Saying this out loud or from the voice of our inner critic pulls us into another false belief system that everyone is always mean to us. This will make it more difficult to see when someone is acting out of love. It is important to understand that nothing is all good or bad. We can have mean people in our lives that can do loving things, but if we are running with programming that says they are always mean, we will be less likely to see love shown to us.
Everyone is always mean to me!
Want & Need
A want is a desire for something. A need is for your survival. Distinguishing between the two can be detrimental to avoiding the pain of stress and worry. It also can clutter your decision-making ability. For me personally this is something I have to stay constantly on top of. It is very easy to tell ourselves that we need something.
In short this creates an expectation to have our needs met, but it may not actually be a need. This is bad programming. It is instinctual to have our needs met to keep us alive. This moves our mode of thinking into the amygdala or fight-or-flight. We are telling ourselves that we need something and we will be more inclined to act. The more we believe we need something, the greater lengths we will go to get it. The amygdala is good at keeping us alive, not making well thought out decisions.
I’ll save my amygdala for when I need to stay alive and be mindful of using the words want and need. This helps keep our wants and needs in balance and will reduce the amount of stress brought onto oneself.
I need a new car!
We have roughly 60,000 thoughts per day and 98% of them are the same thoughts from yesterday. From my past experience, most of my thinking was based on either the past or future. This could have been some past insecurity I had, that wasn’t perfect. I would think about it all day and let it bother me. When in reality nobody else likely cared or even recalled. If I can obsess over the little things, imagine the thinking that was caused by real painful past events. The reason I had to learn this was because I experienced a past traumatic betrayal that hurt me to the core. I didn’t want it to control me so I had to understand how my thinking affected me and how I can manage it. The future can bring all sorts of fear based thoughts. They can be small, like running late for work or missing the bus. They can also be major fears like job loss, financial difficulties or real suffering.
Feelings start with thoughts. Many times these thoughts are either from something in the past or future. These feelings can cause stress which moves into our body, cause sickness and eventual disease. It is important to recognize a time-based thought. It will take us out of the present. This is the core of what consciousness is, being aware of your thoughts. The key is to observe them, notice they are there and do not create a dialog with them. Otherwise a vicious cycle is created with thinking, feeling, stress, sickness and disease. If we can minimize the negative feelings brought on by time based thinking we can have much more joyful and productive lives. This creates new ways of programming on how thoughts are handled.
Being mindful of external influences in our programming can help reprogram your thinking. The television is notorious for creating programming and propaganda. Do all those prescription commercials provide a solution or do they program you into thinking you might be sick? Do they promote fear of anything?
Music has an energy that can bring mood changes. Being aware of the effects music has on you and how it influences the ways you think. Being mindful of external programming can create profound change but may require changing lifestyle by getting rid of television, certain music and even people.
You are lovable! Tell yourself this every day. This alone can be life changing. Even if you do not believe it, saying it in the mirror while looking at yourself in the eyes. Do not look at anything else, but look deeply into your eyes. This is a powerful programming technique to change the way you think about yourself. If this is hard for you I challenge you to do it for 30 days and see what happens.